Thursday, October 13, 2011

Kicking and Screaming

The terrible two's (not the kids rock band from Kansas) are upon us. Who is this monster that has taken over my sweet and happy child? What is going on in that little melon of his? Where has all this whining come from? Why is it here and how can we stop it? For the love of God how can I stop it? Please, someone help us!!!

Okay maybe I am taking it a little too far. I just can't stand the whining and the sudden crying for no apparent reason. It happens to all of us and it happens no matter how good of a parent you or I may be.

For example, my child has become this bull headed whiner (and fake crier) when he wants something. He knows there is something he wants and he goes to great lengths (read fits of crying and screaming) to get it.

Let's say hypothetically he wants ice cream at 10 o'clock at night. As an adult I know that eating ice cream at ten at night is not good and I tell him, "no" and my adult thinking dictates to me that a simple no should be all it takes to dissuade this child from wanting ice cream at ten at night.

Get this. We have a refrigerator with the freezer on the bottom (whoever designed this thing obviously never had children and should be strung up for this; the stupidest idea ever) and if my child wants something out of the freezer it is at perfect height for him to just go and get it. This is where the trouble starts.

You see, he wants his 10 o'clock ice cream and he is going to do what it takes to get it.

I say "no we are getting ready for bed."

"Don't tell me that dada, my want ice cream." 

"No"

"Yes", as he reaches into the freezer.

"Ryker Isaiah (because parent logic says that using the first AND middle name has more effect) do not get in that freezer or you are getting a booty smack!!"

"No smack my booty dada dont say that to me", he says as he points his finger at me while holding the quart of Blitzburgh Crunch in the other hand (it is a scene so comical it makes you almost bust out laughing). He begins to cry that fake cry (what happened to my child). You know the one that you absolutely know is fake and so does he but he knows it bugs the crap out of you so he does it anyway.

This is where it could potentially get ugly. A screaming match between a two year old and his parent in the kitchen over a tub of frozen milk and sugar because it is getting close to bed time and neither party involved wants their ego to be broken by losing this one. The parent concedes and the boy gets a scoop of ice cream.

When I wasn't a parent I was all for punishing children for their fits of rage at the age of 2 because I was naive enough to think that this was something that a parent could control. Hell I was naive enough to think it was a reaction that the child could control. They were just doing it because they thought it was an effective way to get what they want and for a child it is. If crying gets what you want then why not do it? Furthermore, since they could control it, it was ultimately the parents fault for giving in to the whims of a toddler. Right?

Oh how wrong was I. I thought, "Never", but regretfully I am (er was?).

Don't get me wrong, I am not a scientist or a medical professional but I do read (A Lot) and what I have become aware of is that these things are not controllable.

Recently I read an ongoing study regarding the development of the human brain and why children at different stages commonly exhibit similar traits of stubbornness and emotional distress. Long story short is that a childs brain does not have the capacity to control emotional outbursts or to understand the concept of repercussions (i.e. punishment) for their actions. This area of the brain that does control emotion and such develops its abilities throughout childhood and adolescence and isn't fully developed until early adulthood.

If you want to check out the very helpful article follow this link. http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/10/teenage-brains/dobbs-text

Buckle up parents because it's going to be a wild ride for the next 16 to 20 years. When the situation presents itself just think about it for a minute before you lose your cool. Remember that you truly are smarter than they are and you possess (or should possess) the ability to "control" or defuse the situation by bending your will just a little bit. It isn't losing if the crying stops and the room gets quiet. I don't know about you but I will take that as a "win" anyday.

If anything, look at the situations that your child presents; especially the ones that make you want to toss them in their room until they are thirty, and pick up the phone. Dial your mother or father and thank them and hang up. They will understand when they hear the screaming in the background. Trust me.