Slow Week ... Weak Post

It's been a slow news week around our neck of the woods.

Everyone is sick with some sort of daycare concoction of cough and sniffle and Christmas is taking up all of our time. Shopping is almost all done, the Christmas cards are in the mail and Santa should be on his way soon; 11 days left to be exact.

ELEVEN DAYS!!!!

My family is leaving me this weekend. Not for good mind you, but they are going to visit some family in Georgia for 5 days leaving me to my own devices alone in a house with two dogs for a long weekend. What shall I do while they are gone?

It's funny how things are so much different these days. B.C. (that is before children for the layperson) I would have been cutting it up at the bar all weekend wasting money and having "fun" with friends.

The only thoughts that crossed my mind about this weekend was "I am gonna be so lonely" and "I guess I can play hockey Friday and Saturday night".

Am I getting old?

I told you it was a slow news week ... I (loosely) promise to be better next week.

This Aggression Will Not Stand ...

A nose only a mother could love.

I am sure most of you are aware that the new fad out there is "anti-bully" everything (they've even got Bieber in on the campaign). As a parent I am all for the progressive behavior that is involved with this campaign to curb bullying in our schools and in our daily life, but someone has gone too far.

I am not so sure if you are aware of George Giuliani and his new book "No More Bullies at the North Pole". My guess is that if you listen to the radio then you have heard of this guy and his mission to destroy our Christmas Classics.

Dr. George Giuliani (according to his online profile)  is the Director of the Graduate School Program in Special Education and a full-time tenured Associate Professor at Hofstra University's School of Education, Health and Human Services and he has written his own version of the story of Rudolph, sans bullying. Dr. Giuliani feels that the original version of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" (Rankin/Bass 1964 stop motion) promotes bullying through Santa Claus, Comet and (gasp!) the reindeer school children. I can't say that I didn't notice the ever present bullying in the movie when I watched it this year.

Apparently (I haven't read it because I tend to try and not read such garbage) "No More Bullies at the North Pole" retells the story of Rudolph in a more favorably less dream crushing way with no teasing or bullying (which I thought was what ultimately made Rudolph who he was).

Of course, the conservative news media is alllll over this guy this week; thus making themselves look even more jackassier than they ever have. This guy has gotten coverage from Michelle Malkin who has a ridiculous interview with the guy and a comedian named Brad Stine (who looks like he would jump you in an alley to take your lunch money) to lambaste this poor old fool on national TV through the outlet of Fox and Friends.

Granted (and I hate to say this) Michelle and Brad are correct to rake this guy over the coals. This whole concept of revising classics because they do not seem to be in line with todays PC thinking is just ridiculous. These classics serve as a lesson that bullying can lead to someone using the negativity to prevail and overcome.

If I am correct Rudolph becomes "the most famous reindeer of all" by the end of the story. Do you think that would have happened if none of his peers would have taunted him or if he didn't have to overcome something severe in his life. Yes I know I am waxing intellectual about a fictional clay figure on a television screen.

Let's take it one step further and say we start revising television history and taking out what we don't want our children to learn (I think the Nazi party burned books for this very reason) and we change the story of "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas".

That whole tale is loaded with bully tactics and a negative attitude towards one individual. The bullying he suffered as a child at the hands of the Who populace eventually led him to literally steal Christmas from them. The message of this story for the children watching it is to not be a grinch and to enjoy the holidays and share with your fellow man.

Maybe it should be to include everyone and not alienate your peers because one day it might lead them to break into your home and steal your stockings and all of the food from your refrigerator. Heck they might even go as far as stealing your tree because you sang a song calling them mean and "as charming as an eel" even going so far as to say that they are a "three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich, with arsenic sauce". I mean who says that kind of stuff. Let's ban it in these United States. Our children can't listen to this crap, it might lead them to ... smile. Heck they might even laugh at it. God forbid they learn something.

Back to the subject: Bullying. I was bullied, as were most of you out there raising children and reading this post. You can either take that experience and let it suffocate you or you can learn something from it and rise above.

We can't obliterate the act of bullying across the globe but we can moderate it. If your child is being bullied or they see someone (whether on tv or in person) being bullied we can help them learn from it. As adults our job is not to shield our children from the world around them. We are here to be a buffer and a moderator for the world around them but we need to allow them to experience all that is surrounding them for the good of their development.

I, for one, will allow my children to watch the original version of "Rudolph" and "The Grinch" because I believe there is something to be learned from the entertainment they provide. Who will teach them the morals of the story? Me, because that is my job as a parent. I am the primary (my wife included) teacher of my children and I will take that responsibility with great honor.

If one of my children is a bully I will take him or her aside and read them the riot act as it applies and they will be punished but I will not tolerate the media or some quack from Hofstra saying that my child can't handle the experience of bullying and that we can't show it in our media because it will pollute their mind.

Doesn't Hermey exact a little revenge for his mistreatment on the yetti by ripping out all of its teeth? Anywho ... Merry Christmas!!!!

Santa's Little Red Spy

It's that time of year again. The lights are hung and the tree is up. The mantle looks like an homage to the Three Wise Men (no not Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo and Johnny Walker Black) and Old St. Nick, and it is crunch time for shopping for christmas gifts and convincing our children that they need to "earn" their gifts.

It is the time of year when we encourage good behavior not just for normal reasons but because Santa is watching and we all know what happens to children who are bad when Santa is watching. You get the dreaded lump in your stocking. Although I have never known anyone who has actually received coal in their stocking just the thought of it is a great deterrent to poor attitudes around Christmas time.

How does Santa possibly watch every kid everywhere?

Why he sends out his army of spies to watch over the children of the world, that's how.

Today we put the Elf on the Shelf up and started the whole run around with Felton (the name we chose so cleverly for our felted elf). Last year Ryker was a little too young to understand the concept of the Elf on a Shelf and we couldn't get him too excited to search for it every morning. The whole process ended with a disinterested shrug and "hey there he is" quickly fading to apathy for the little red man sitting in random places around our home.

I truly believe it was his age that rendered him incapable of excitement regarding a little red suited doll that was supposedly watching his every move like a sentry sent from Santa himself.

"What do you mean he is reporting my actions in detail back to the big man with the gifts"

This year will be different and he will be excited (or else).

My question is, why do we as humans only respond to fear when it comes to behavior? Rather; why do parents mainly use fear as a deterrent for bad behavior? Is the presence of a known spy from Santa (Felton the Elf) supposed to goad a child into acting a certain way out of fear, or is the act of finding said spy a form of positive reward?

I know from experience that the threat of getting coal in your stocking works. It worked for me because I didn't want to be that one kid who got coal for Christmas.

"Oh what did you get in your stocking this year?"

 "A big friggin lump of coal"

Somehow that scenario doesn't sit well with a young person showing off his new toys to the kids at school.

I don't know how this Elf on a Shelf is going to work. I haven't seen any studies showing that the Elf has any positive effect on a child's behavior during the Christmas season (I could see the study title now "Elf on a Shelf has blank effect on blank children" presented by Amway Global ). Maybe I could get a government grant to do the study; they give money to scientists for anything these days.



Such a creepy looking little thing.



I guess we are about to find out. It might be a little hard to determine the effects due to the fact that my child is an angel. No joke, I have been blessed with a child that says please and thank you and waits his turn and all that jazz. How this happened I may never know. Maybe my wife and I are truly good parents or maybe my kid is some freak of toddler nature that actually has a conscience but I can't complain because my kid really is a good kid.

We will approach it like a game. Games are fun and kids learn from games so it's a win-win. The biggest challenge is going to be convincing Ryker that he can't touch Felton or it will ruin his magic. The kid touches everything (I swear I don't know where he gets that from).

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I am not going to bore you all with a long winded drawn out post about my sometimes misadventures in parenthood this week (I'll save that for next Wednesday). For this week I will simply leave you with a wish for a Safe and Happy Turkey day.

I wish I had a crazy anecdote to share with you about Thanksgiving like the time my long lost crazy uncle (Lord knows I have a few of those around) dropped in unexpectedly and hilarity ensued but I don't.

Thanksgiving in my house was always something rather subdued and relaxed and very even keeled. I guess it was a day that made up for all the craziness of the rest of the year; a day off from the hustle and bustle that was our non-stop go get em existence. We didn't have to run to practice or games and mom didn't have to jump in the car 18 times for my brother and me.

She had to cook which I guess is stressful enough when you are preparing a grandiose meal for hungry family members but other than that Thanksgiving was always the calm holiday free of drama.

However you celebrate just remember why you are celebrating and enjoy your day off with family or friends or both.

Happy Turkey Day ... that bird ain't gonna eat itself now get stuffin ...

A Wooden Spoon

If you look up the word discipline in the dictionary you will likely come across a word with many different meanings. Today (for this post) I looked it up and found 11 different definitions for this one word (oh the beauty of the english language). Thanks to my mother and father I know the many definitions of the word. They may not be exactly how Webster himself envisioned it to be but trust me, they taught me discipline.

When it comes to the practice of discipline and children today there is a fine line between what is "right" and "wrong". Today, for example, if a child hits their parent they are put in timeout and things are taken away for a determined amount of time (this somehow discourages the act of violence through a nonviolent reaction). If I had ever hit one of my parents (something I never even dreamed of) I would have been pummeled and then thrown in my moms room (since there weren't toys there) to think about why I just got the crap smacked out of me.

By now I assume you are familiar with which meaning of the word I am talking about today so I will further extrapolate on my theory that old school discipline mixed with some features of the new work better than what has been done most recently. I am not advocating that you beat your child senseless for simple acts of disobedience but rather maybe using some gentle force to illustrate that you mean business with your punishment for behavioral deviance.


They come in many shapes and sizes but all of them are useful.


The wooden spoon, for one, is a great deterrent for bad behavior. It is a simple object that is very useful both in and out of the kitchen. First off, you can't do too much damage with a wooden spoon. Any over zealous punishment (excessive force) will be negated when the spoon breaks. Trust me these things break, ask my mother. Second, wooden spoons hurt. They don't hurt as much as maybe a wooden bat or a broken golf club handle (not that I would know or anything) but they hurt enough to leave an impression on a child. Speaking of impressions, I remember when we were kids and we weren't listening or we were just being plain bad my mom would warn us once then she would reach for the dreaded wooden spoon. As soon as she reached for that spoon I would straighten up. My brother on the otherhand; well let's not go there. I'll just say that I got the spoon a lot less than he did and it was all because of that first time I got it. I never forgot.

These days most parents are of the ilk that a child needs to be nurtured when they act out. The child is craving attention if they are being bad. You hear a lot of "oh he/she is just testing boundaries" or "if you do that again you are going to get time out". In my day you heard the rush of wind behind my dads hand right before it smacked you in the back of the head telling you to straighten up or you're going to get it worse when we are at home.

When a child "tests" his or her boundaries how do they get a result of that litmus? My theory is that a lot of children never truly know their boundaries because they have never had any set for them. I am sorry if I am insulting you by saying this but timeout is the ultimate fail in setting boundaries. What does the child learn from sitting in the corner as a punishment? What if the boundary that they were testing was something that could lead them to potentially hurting themselves, or worse hurting someone else in the process? "Hey you just ran out in the middle of the road after I told you not to so I am going to stick you in time out so you can think about what you did" just doesn't get the point across. This time they got lucky and they just had to sit in the corner. What happens when a car is barreling down the street next time and they aren't so lucky?

When you associate a little pain and tears with the punishment you get a much better response in the long haul. Once again, I am not an advocate for child abuse and I would never encourage anyone to beat their child senseless for any reason. I do believe there is a fine line between a smack for punishment and an over the top beating. I also believe that it is a line that most of us can walk and find a balance on.

Try it sometime. Next time your kid or kids are acting up and not listening to your direction (as parents we are directors of our households) give them a smack on the butt with a wooden spoon. Let them cry it out and when they are done sit down with them and make sure they understand why they were disciplined in such a manner. The key isn't in the beating it is in the understanding of why there was one (ah there's the new school). All beings understand pain even at the earliest stages of life. Not all can understand the abstract nature of sitting in a corner especially if their young mind hasn't been trained to understand the theory behind the act.

The next time you are out in public and they start acting up all you will need to say is "wooden spoon" and they will straighten right up and a good time will be had by all.

Slow Down, Give Thanks

Time flies. It seems like yesterday I was walking down the aisle getting my high school diploma. That was a little over ten years ago now. Now I have a beautiful wife and a beautiful son; a home and two dogs. I have responsibilities now that I never thought I deserved and my life is more than I ever imagined. Indeed it is another year later in my life and I am a little older; perhaps a little wiser but maybe not.

With 2011 almost behind us it is Holiday season and I am totally unprepared.

It seems like every year the Christmas advertisements start earlier and earlier. Did they start in August this year? Halloween was just a few days ago and Thanksgiving (increasingly becoming the most overlooked holiday in America) hasn't even happened yet. In fact, it is still three weeks away and we are all as already focused on preparing for Christmas. Slow down a little bit!! It is still almost 8 weeks away for crying out loud.

I love Halloween so I am very happy about the cultural love for the holiday in general. I also love Thanksgiving and it seems to me like we are beginning to disregard it because it is too close to that day where we all get presents. Corporate marketing has totally steered our culture towards Christmas because that is the money day. Meanwhile we are overlooking the symbolic beginning of our culural heritage.

It is true that things didn't quite go down the way we like to romanticize it in our history books but think about it. The first people to celebrate the day of Thanksgiving had true goodness in their hearts for even considering celebrating the day. They were thankful for something as simple as being alive and gathering the harvest.

If you put it in such simple terms and just think of the day as a way of stepping back and slowing down and being thankful for something in your life, anything, you might be surprised how much the day can mean to you.

I used to think that it was just a day to gorge yourself on "turkey and fixins" while watching football all day and sleeping through halftime but I have come to feel that it is something so much more. I guess it is the kid factor or maybe that I am getting older and with each passing day I become more thankful for each one but there is something special about getting together with family and celebrating eachother.

As a parent (heck as a person) I want you to step back during your Christmas shopping trips this month and think for a second what you are really thankful for. Take a look around you and think about what makes you happy in your life and what you can't live without.

If you have children tell them you are thankful for them. Depending on what age they are they will either say thank you or something resembling disgust or disdain (I am thinking about the teens in your lives) but just know that they will get the message someday and they will never forget that you are thankful for them. Someday they will return the sentiment. If you are thankful for your spouse tell them. If you are thankful for your job, your house, your car; whatever it is just take a moment and step back and think about it and just enjoy it.

There truly isn't enough time in the day and time seems to pass by so much faster every year. Maybe you will thank yourself for taking the moment to step back from the news cycle and the sales to be appreciative of life.

It truly is too short so make the most of it. What am I thankful for?

And so much more ...

Trick or Treat ...

It started of "okay"

This year my son was adamant about going trick or treating as Light Duween (that is Lightening McQueen for the uneducated). My wife wanted him so badly to be a pirate. In hindsight a pirate would have been easier to pull off except for maybe the probable wig he would have had to wear.

We looked all over for a decent Lightening McQueen costume for a two year old and found one that didn't kill the pocket book. It was sort of misshapen (is that a word?) and bulky but he liked it and that is what he wanted to be.

Let the kid be what he wants to be for Halloween and he will have a blast. Right?

Once again in unison "Oh how wrong we are" when we first try something new.

The night started off rainy and cold and only escalated from there.

As we crept out into the street he became terrified of the other kids in their costumes and even more afraid of going up to the neighbors porches for candy. Luckily we have some of the best neighbors in the world who were accomodating to the fickle nature of a two year old out on Halloween. Many of them came to him offering treats.

It took a few minutes for him to warm up (though I was hoping to have a lap around the block completed with a pillowcase of goodies by now) but eventually he came around to the concept of asking people for free candy in the rain.

Although he did warm up to the candy part, the costume aspect wasn't such a big hit. And to the right you can see what quickly became of that whole situation.

Even though the suit talked and looked just like his favorite racing car, the boy just didn't want anything to do with it.

I caved and took his costume off hoping that when his friend came along to go around the block he would want to wear a costume too. Although the arrival of said friend did prompt a certain bravery for knocking on doors and yelling "Dick or Deet", it did not encourage the wearing of costume. So as any good dad would have done I carried the costume in hand while we visited the neighborhood candy givers all the while telling the story of how my child hated his costume.

All in all it was a pretty decent evening, save for the rain. We hauled in a decent amount of candy for a two year old throwing a hissy fit and Ryker enjoyed some time with a friend. As did Dad.

Here's to next year ....



Ryker the "lumber jack" and Spaceman Friend.



Kicking and Screaming

The terrible two's (not the kids rock band from Kansas) are upon us. Who is this monster that has taken over my sweet and happy child? What is going on in that little melon of his? Where has all this whining come from? Why is it here and how can we stop it? For the love of God how can I stop it? Please, someone help us!!!

Okay maybe I am taking it a little too far. I just can't stand the whining and the sudden crying for no apparent reason. It happens to all of us and it happens no matter how good of a parent you or I may be.

For example, my child has become this bull headed whiner (and fake crier) when he wants something. He knows there is something he wants and he goes to great lengths (read fits of crying and screaming) to get it.

Let's say hypothetically he wants ice cream at 10 o'clock at night. As an adult I know that eating ice cream at ten at night is not good and I tell him, "no" and my adult thinking dictates to me that a simple no should be all it takes to dissuade this child from wanting ice cream at ten at night.

Get this. We have a refrigerator with the freezer on the bottom (whoever designed this thing obviously never had children and should be strung up for this; the stupidest idea ever) and if my child wants something out of the freezer it is at perfect height for him to just go and get it. This is where the trouble starts.

You see, he wants his 10 o'clock ice cream and he is going to do what it takes to get it.

I say "no we are getting ready for bed."

"Don't tell me that dada, my want ice cream." 

"No"

"Yes", as he reaches into the freezer.

"Ryker Isaiah (because parent logic says that using the first AND middle name has more effect) do not get in that freezer or you are getting a booty smack!!"

"No smack my booty dada dont say that to me", he says as he points his finger at me while holding the quart of Blitzburgh Crunch in the other hand (it is a scene so comical it makes you almost bust out laughing). He begins to cry that fake cry (what happened to my child). You know the one that you absolutely know is fake and so does he but he knows it bugs the crap out of you so he does it anyway.

This is where it could potentially get ugly. A screaming match between a two year old and his parent in the kitchen over a tub of frozen milk and sugar because it is getting close to bed time and neither party involved wants their ego to be broken by losing this one. The parent concedes and the boy gets a scoop of ice cream.

When I wasn't a parent I was all for punishing children for their fits of rage at the age of 2 because I was naive enough to think that this was something that a parent could control. Hell I was naive enough to think it was a reaction that the child could control. They were just doing it because they thought it was an effective way to get what they want and for a child it is. If crying gets what you want then why not do it? Furthermore, since they could control it, it was ultimately the parents fault for giving in to the whims of a toddler. Right?

Oh how wrong was I. I thought, "Never", but regretfully I am (er was?).

Don't get me wrong, I am not a scientist or a medical professional but I do read (A Lot) and what I have become aware of is that these things are not controllable.

Recently I read an ongoing study regarding the development of the human brain and why children at different stages commonly exhibit similar traits of stubbornness and emotional distress. Long story short is that a childs brain does not have the capacity to control emotional outbursts or to understand the concept of repercussions (i.e. punishment) for their actions. This area of the brain that does control emotion and such develops its abilities throughout childhood and adolescence and isn't fully developed until early adulthood.

If you want to check out the very helpful article follow this link. http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/10/teenage-brains/dobbs-text

Buckle up parents because it's going to be a wild ride for the next 16 to 20 years. When the situation presents itself just think about it for a minute before you lose your cool. Remember that you truly are smarter than they are and you possess (or should possess) the ability to "control" or defuse the situation by bending your will just a little bit. It isn't losing if the crying stops and the room gets quiet. I don't know about you but I will take that as a "win" anyday.

If anything, look at the situations that your child presents; especially the ones that make you want to toss them in their room until they are thirty, and pick up the phone. Dial your mother or father and thank them and hang up. They will understand when they hear the screaming in the background. Trust me.

Grown Up Music and Children

I recently read an article in GQ or Parenting magazine (honestly can't remember which) that talked about this subject a bit and it made me think ....

I have a wide ranging taste in music genres. I always have music playing; in the car, in the house and sometimes even on a walk around the neighborhood (Pandora Radio for the Blackberry truly is a godsend). Mostly I listen to rock 'n roll music or jazz. Sometimes I delve into the hip hop world or hard rock and even country music. My favorite bands include the likes of Butch Walker (former front man of The Marvelous Three), Wilco, Arcade Fire, Ryan Adams (not Brian), Miles Davis, Coltrane, Vida Blue, and even Fall Out Boy, etc.. and so on. These are my staples. These are the bands I can't live without.

That being said; I can't stand kids music and therefore I am not one of those parents that only plays kids music in the car when my kid (not my baby goat) is in the car. I have never had nor will I have a kids music CD playing when it is just me and my son. I think those things are reserved for learning time like when the kids are all together at day care or at preschool or while I am at work and my wife is trying to teach my son something new. Heck I don't know the words to more than half of the kids songs that my wife and son sing every now and then.

I don't see what is wrong with going with what you know and exposing your children to music that has some real substance. I am not saying that I would play the likes of Tupac and Biggy or Pantera while my son is in the backseat but I will play some Arcade Fire and Wilco and most other music. Why not? He learns something from these songs and he might one day develop a love for good music instead of being a top 40 junky.

Where am I going with this? Just last night for example, Ryker was dancing to my selection of music (which happened to be the latest Fall Out Boy album) in the living room and seeing this made me smile. I wasn't smiling because of his awesome dancing skills (he is definitely my child) but because he was truly enjoying the music. He found something in it that made him want to move his body and shake his head to. Thinking to myself that FOB isn't exactly dancing music I attempted to change it to something with more of a beat, namely A Tribe Called Quest circa 1993, but he wanted nothing to do with it. The hard rock style is more his speed and I won't take that away from him.

All of you parents out there who don't get to listen to anything but kidz bop 193 or songs for toddlers 10 think next time before you fire up the CD player or iPod and maybe play that favorite Beck album of yours at a level suitable for growing ear drums and watch their little hips start to shake and heads start to bob. I think you will find that both of you will be much happier with your selection and you might just be able to escape the monotony of singing your 1, 2, 3's and ABC's over and over and over and over again and again.

Don't get me wrong, learning is great and it has its place but try and expose your children to a little bit of what you like. Who knows you might find out you have something in common other than your genetic construct.

Feeding Curiosity



that looks a lot like a wrench I have been missing

I have always been curious about how things work. So curious that I like to take things apart sometimes just to see the inside and learn how to put it back together. I don't know how young I was when I began taking things apart and putting them back together (or trying to) but I know that some of my first memories are of my Opa (my father's father) and his little workshop in his basement at 1212 Peach Street.

Opa had a ton of tools that fascinated me as a child and he liked to fix old radios; of which he had quite the collection. He passed away shortly after I turned 5. When he was alive he would sit me on his workbench and allow me to play with a small screwdriver set while he would tinker with his radios. I remember sitting atop of his old work bench with a little red and yellow handled screwdriver set (that came in a little pocket protector pouch) poking, prodding and screwing little screws on presumably broken circuit boards that he would allow me to handle.

When I was three or four (I can't really distinguish the time of the memories, only that I possess these distinct memories of him) I would sneak into his workshop to snoop around. He always caught me before I would mess with something. It was as if he had some sort of detection skills that let him know when one of the kids was messing with his stuff. He wouldn't yell at me but rather show me what something did or what he was doing with it and what it was supposed to do.

Opa used to take me into the workshop when my older brother and cousin would be teasing me to keep me occupied with something else. I remember his thick Dutch accent well telling me, "Don't cry Billy D. Forget those boys. They are too old for you. Come play with me instead." To this day this is what I remember him most for. He was my savior back then and I will always thank him not only for saving me from my evil older brother but also for fostering the curiosity inside of me for how things work that I had as a young boy.

The reason I have been thinking about him and my inquisitive side is that I have recently noticed this curiosity in my son. Already at age two he is turning things over or trying to open stuff to see what is inside. He even tips his power wheels four wheeler over and "fixes" it with his play tools. His imagination gets me laughing so hard sometimes because he actually thinks he is fixing something. I'll ask him "what are ya fixin bud" and his response always sounds something like "I dunno but its broke dada".

For me, this is amazing because I am still learning what a lot of things do and now when I learn new things I will be able to pass the knowledge on to him. One day while working on my mountain bike he literally sat and watched for a couple of minutes holding my tools for me. Neither of us knew what we were doing but we got it working, together.

What's that dada?

Maybe his obsession with matchbox cars will translate to a curiosity of engines and fast cars like mine did. That will give us something in common that we can work on together. I just have to stay ahead of the curve and learn about the things we work on before he does so I always seem smarter (even though all of us know that isn't the truth). We can't have him getting a leg up on his old man now can we?

Only time will tell whether I can be helpful or not but I will try my hardest to be a resource for his ever growing inquisitiveness. I guess that is the goal here; to always be looked up to and revered.

Separation Anxiety

Recently my son has been spending more and more time at his grandparents and away from home at night. For example he was at my mothers on Wednesday to Thursday and home for Thursday night but he will be gone to my in-laws for the weekend and we will not see him again until Sunday.

My wife hates it that he is gone and frankly so do I. At first it was nice to get a night to focus attention on us and have some quality time together for relaxing and whatnot. Now it just feels weird to us. It is great that he gets to see his grandparents but we just don't know what to do when he isn't around.

The house is quiet. The dogs are lazy and sad. Toys lay about limp and unanimated. We wonder how he is doing and what he is doing at any given time and resist picking up the phone ten times a day to call. It is kind of sad.

Granted, we do go do couples things and have "date nights" when he is gone but when we get home we want him to be there. It is like our home isn't quite right without him in it. It has become normal to have that noise of him up to something or him saying his ABC's or 123's; him yelling at the dog for taking his snacks or something. Anything is better than the silent house.

I guess what I am saying is that my wife and I are guilty of what we never thought possible. We have separation anxiety and we are proud to say that we hate being away from our child, even though we know it is good for him to be with his grandparents.

Are we pathetic that we can't just go about our business without him there or are we normal for feeling like it isn't business as usual when he isn't around and we can't pretend that it is? Does anybody else feel this way when the mini me isn't around?

Camping on the Great Lake of Erie

  My wife and I recently took our son on his first camping trip. We had been tossing the idea around for a couple months and finally we pulled the trigger and went.



Corinne watching Ryker doing laps around our modest campsite in the early morning.



It was last Friday at about lunch time that we found a site in Erie close to the lake and we decided we would go right after I got out of work. Usually the drive from our house to Erie is no more than 2 hours which would have placed us at the site pitching a tent at 7:30, no later. Traffic had other plans for us that day and after spending an hour sitting still just north of Pittsburgh we finally arrived at the campground at about 8:30. 

Since we were ill prepared for the trip (being that it was impromptu and we had little time to pack), the plan was for me to set up the campsite while my wife took to the grocery store for supplies so we would have drinks and snacks (and s'mores of course). That is how it went. Dada, Ryker and the dogs setting up the tent in the dark (because someone forgot to pack a flashlight) while Mama made a mad dash for supplies. All was well.

Typically when things go so wrong in the beginning of a journey the journey itself is doomed. Thankfully that was not the case here. I was prepared for us to pack up in the middle of the night searching for indoor life at 3 a.m. due to an unruly child or a storm but we had clear skies, one happy kid and two relatively calm pets. The only dark spot on the night was our campground neighbors and their middle of the night antics. I believe I awoke at one point to howling and bird calls. 

In the morning we walked down (94 stairs to be exact) to the rocky beach and fun was had by all. The dogs fetched sticks in the lake and Ryker got to play in the sand and throw rocks. I tried to teach ryker about the stone age and how some cultures used to use rocks as weapons and tools but all he wanted to do was throw them and laugh when the dogs tried to chase them down. We even went to The Isle of Presque (that's Presque Isle to the layman) to see some boats and do some swimming before grabbing lunch and heading home. 

While I didn't get to teach Ryker how to really rough it for more than a night I think the trip was very good for us as a family. It was nice to live a night without having the T.V. on before bed. We got to sit around the campfire and really enjoy our time together. It also gave us encouragement to know that he really loves to camp. Next time it will be a weekend trip rather than one night and we will be more prepared (hopefully) than having to go to the grocery store at 9 o'clock the night of for supplies. You live and learn sometimes and luckily we learned without having to suffer too much this time around.

Next time I hope I can spend a little more time in the great outdoors and away from the trappings of city life for a bit. Until then I gotta get a new tent, and a lantern, and a camping stove, and a camping coffee maker. Maybe a truck and some fishing gear (who am I kidding I hate to fish) and a little ax and................ oh god what have I started?

Teaching Children Sarcasm ...

sar·casm - [sahr-kaz-uhm] noun. 1. harsh or bitter derision or irony. 2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark.


I am very sarcastic. I always have been. I guess it is a byproduct of the environment I grew up in. It seems everyone in my family has the sarcasm bone and we tend to (over)use it everyday. It is a way of life; being a sarcastic person.

My wife doesn't get my sarcasm sometimes and she tends to get angry with me every now and then.  Sometimes even I have to retract my statements because I use my sarcasm when I respond to questions from my two year old without even thinking about it.  It's a sickness I know.

Part of me thinks that my nonchalant attitude and quick witted remarks will rub off on my son in a good way and make him less prone to being upset by peoples words in the future. Then there is another part of me that wishes he wouldn't have to build a tolerance for harsh statements. It isn't that I am particularly harsh towards him but sometimes I answer questions with questions and I say lighthearted things to him that could seem like insults.

One example is that when he wants to be carried rather than walk I say "sure I'll carry you ya lazy bum". I laugh when I say it and so does Ryker. My better half doesn't like that at all because it may be hurting his feelings. I totally understand her logic, but I can't stop myself from saying the phrase(It's just so funny when he laughs and says "my no lazy bum dada"). Maybe I should explain to him (when he is capable of understanding) that I don't really mean to hurt his feelings when I say things like that. It is just my way of getting him riled up and hopefully spur him to want to walk on his own just to prove me wrong.

Realistically he will have to build some sort of tolerance to the world and maybe I should be the one who helps him construct these "defense mechanisms". I can't in good conscience allow him to become vulnerable to beat downs from verbal bullies, so I should guide him in some way to become mentally strong.

I guess what I am getting at is that I want him to be strong while still retaining his positive mind. I want my son to still believe that people are filled with good intentions as a whole and that he can trust people; but he needs to be able to decipher the difference between good and bad.

How do you help your children become impervious to outside threats while still allowing them to maintain innocence? Is sarcasm a viable coping mechanism? Am I crazy for thinking that this is important? Like I have said before, dads just think differently. We can't help it.

The Overzealous Dad ... ?

I recently bought my son a pair of ice skates. He is two. I always said I would never be that dad that pushed his loves or past yearnings for life onto his children but I still bought him skates at the age of two. I suppose I am guilty of the cardinal sin of fatherhood; pushing sport onto my child with the expectation of greatness.

I was never good enough at hockey for it to take me anywhere in life. I am good but not good enough, period. I blame this (in my mind) on the fact that I did not start playing until late in life. I found hockey on my own. It was not pushed onto me by my father or anyone else. Using my tilted logic I can only assume that I never became as good as I could have been because there wasn't someone there forcing me to go to 5 am practice at the age of 8.

I want better for my son. I stealthily have engrossed him in hockey since he was born and he likes it already. He regularly asks me to play hockey with him on the front porch or on the sidewalk (he has a net and a bunch of sticks and everything) and of course I oblige as much as I can. This has encouraged me to step outside of what was my initial philosophy of just letting it happen. I am now a full fledged Tiger Woods dad in waiting. I am going to strap those skates on his feet and introduce him to ice this year and let it happen gradually. Once he gets the hang of it I am going to make it a weekly event of taking time to go skating. You know the old father son time routine of disguising skill building as fun time with dada just like my dad did with baseball (only with a lot less yelling and more positive encouragement as apparently that is more effective ... who knew).

Yes I know it is a sickness but think about it. What if Tiger Woods dad never pushed and pushed? What if Troy Crosby never set up a faux ice rink in the basement for his son? What if the Mannings weren't put through backyard passing drills? What if Joe Jackson never forced his sons to practice chords until their fingers bled? Okay bad example. Looking at that again really bad example but hey we aren't all perfect and yes there are downfalls to the philosophy but if you can find a philosophy without a potential downside let me know about it please.

The world really is a better place with crazy fathers pushing their children to be great. Sports don't just teach physical toughness but also mental stability and snap decision making. Maybe we should thank all of those crazy dads for being so tough on their sons. These somewhat unbalanced egotistical men can be teachers for all of us young fathers who want greatness for our children.

Pushing your children to succeed through hard work and practice; whether sports or in other arenas of life such as music, what say you?  Where do you think this urge to breed success comes from? Is it just the male ego projected down through generations or is it something else? I just know that I want a better existence for my son professionally. My life is great at home and I wouldn't change it, but professionaly speaking, I would much rather be doing something more exciting to earn money. I don't want my son to have to sit at a desk for his career unless that is absolutely what he wants out of life. I want him to have an option for something different.

Fathers think a little differently

We are men. We are self centered by nature. We get up in the morning thinking about how good it is to be a man and what we are going to do for us today. A wife and kids are good referees in this game we play with ourselves. They can build us up when we feel down on ourselves for not being manly enough or knock us down a peg when our manliness gets out of control.  We all deserve it now and then.
From birth we are men by nature; self centered and wild. It is only through life that we are domesticated to the point where we can control our primal urges to just be what we were meant to be. Through our sophistication these urges to be manly now often manifest through our interests in life. Some of us love cars, football, hockey or something of the sort. These are sports or activities that allow us to flex our muscles, whether they are figurative or literal, in a controlled environment. Many of us equate speed and power with manliness. What is manlier than skating up ice and crushing your opponent on the blue line, stealing the puck and scoring that game winner high glove side? What about taking that quarter mile in under 10 seconds or scoring a touchdown with a beautiful sideline catch over a defenders head?

What am I getting at you ask? I am obviously talking about fatherhood and the promotion of manly feats and features. Duh!!

I am a father. More importantly I am a father to a beautiful son who needs guidance in life. He needs his father to act like a man and help him become a man himself.  Call me a bit old school but I believe a boy needs his father more than anyone in his life to become a man. Don’t get me wrong. I was largely raised by my mother and I am proud of that fact, but were it not for the positive male role models in my family I don't think I would have ever come to be the man that I am. Only a man can show a boy what it takes to grow up and do the right thing.
One of my biggest pet peeves is this new philosophy that parents are promoting to their sons and daughters that it is okay not to abide by gender boundaries. I am a firm believer that boys should be boys and girls should be girls. Nowadays my attitude would be countered with the question, " what does that mean girls and boys are capable all of the same things in life you sexist jerk." My response is that you are totally correct save for a few minor details.  I, nor my son, will ever carry to term and birth a child. A woman will never be faced with the threat of prostate cancer or testicular cancer. By now you are picking up what I am putting down. Woman and men although similar in capabilities are inherently different and therefore think differently. I am here to be a voice for men and their thoughts about raising children the way we see fit.
Being that I have a son and only a son most of the things I will be saying will obviously be geared towards the things I do while raising my son. If and when I have a daughter I will become more balanced as I attempt to raise her to be a woman and to do womanly things with her life, but right now I don’t have to worry about all that stuff just yet.

I am talking about raising my son to become a man. I am not talking about being just a beer swilling, crude, foul mouthed and disrespectful man. I am talking about the fine line that it will take to not only raise my son to be a manly man but to also be a gentleman in the formal sense. I am talking about raising him to hold doors for women and elderly people. I am talking about saying please and thank you. I am talking about the things that make a man a man, not just an overgrown boy. Many of these things I learned from my mother. The man things I learned from watching and observing other men and how they conduct their business of life. Luckily I have had some good role models and I have been smart enough to be able to identify the bad ones.

If you are a father (or a mother interested in how us fathers think) please enjoy my rants and sometimes advice about being a father and what it means to our sons for us to be the best role models we can be while staying light hearted and manly in today’s world of gender ambiguity.

Your constructive comments are welcomed and appreciated.