Thursday, August 30, 2012

Learning and Letting Go....

My little boy is all grown up, relatively.

Ryker starts preschool next Tuesday. I can't believe it.

We met his teacher Tuesday evening and she seems very nice. She is very enthusiastic about her program, she has a bunch of experience and her presentation to us parents went well.

Time is cruising on by and I am so proud that he is going to school but I also feel like I just want it to slow down a little bit. My wife is much more vocal about being sad that our little booger is starting school while I keep things upbeat and say that this is a great thing. This is a positive step in the right direction for him and he is going to love it, but inside I am sad because my mini me is growing up. He is going to go to school and start to form his own little opinions about his life around him and he will start experiencing so much more without us at his side. That I can't be there for his development is what gets me choked up.

While that is great for his development and it will help him become himself I can't help but be a little sad.

As he begins his journey of school it makes me think of grade school and my experiences as a kid and I hope that he has teachers that care for him like I had. I hope for him to be made privy to the opportunities he is capable of and I hope that he learns to recognize his capabilities through his education. I know it is a little early to be concerned with all of this but this is what concerns me.

At this juncture I hope that he not only learns the fundamentals like recognizing his numbers and letters but I hope he learns to be confident that he is a good kid and he is a smart kid. I want him to know that he is capable of becoming a great young man someday and this is the first step in that direction.

I worry though. I worry that there is going to be some mean spirited little boy in his class that will pick on him and make him feel bad about himself. I want to protect him from that, but I can't. There will always be those kids; the ones that need to prey on others to make themselves feel better about something. My wife and I always tell Ryker to ignore them or say "so what" when secretly I want to say "just haul off and pop him in the mouth if he calls you a name". Oh God, did I just say that out loud?

I worry that he isn't going to like the school. I worry that he won't listen to his teacher. I worry that he will be the one to give her a hard time and not listen to directions. I know we have done our best to teach him how to listen to direction and to go with the flow but I still worry that his stubborn side will come out and it will leave his teacher with a bad impression. He is a good kid and he listens well 99 percent of the time, but when he gets tired and hungry God help you.

Worry is normal for a parent. Right? I am supposed to worry about him. I wouldn't be a good parent if I didn't worry a little bit. I just want the best for my children (because they are the best children, I don't care what you say).

So this is it. I have to let go a little. I guess it is time. He is 3 after all and that is when you send them off to preschool. Listen to me making a mountain out of a mole hill. 2 days a week for three hours at a time he will be free of our parental grasp and free to learn new things and make new friends and I am making it seem like he is going to private school two states away. Truth is, he will be right up the street at St. B's having a blast.  Let's hope he loves it and he looks back and sees this as the starting point to his fruitful life.

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