Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Supermarket Superlatives

Being a dad is probably the toughest thing I have ever done. Being responsible for the life and development of another human being is one of the most humbling experiences one will ever encounter. The ego was checked at the door to fatherhood and my needs have become secondary to the needs of my son.

That being said; we dads get a bad rap from society in general. Most of us are seen as secondary care to the mothers of the house. A lot of us (unfortunately) are seen as the selfish other half to the parental equation, and don't get me wrong there are plenty of examples where this is true. I don't know if it is due to the generations of opinion formed before us in regards to the hierarchy of the house but I feel like we aren't appreciated or revered as much as mothers by society as a whole.

I am not discounting the role of the mother. I believe that all reverence for motherhood is warranted and appropriate. You women squeeze a child from your nether regions for crying out loud. That alone deserves a pedestal for standing upon.

What I am talking about is this. Every time my son and I are at the grocery store together (which is pretty often) I always get the same reaction from the hoards of women in my general vicinity. It usually goes a little something like this "Aww look at you two out at the grocery store. You are such a great dad."

"Thank you. We are just buying some yogurt, but thank you now move along nothing to see here."

The condescending comment somehow (in my mind) discounts my role as a father to my son. Somehow just because I take my kid to the grocery store to get some food while my wife is at school it makes me a good father.

What about the life skills I impart on a day to day basis? What about the time I spend teaching my child about animals and volcanoes and bikes and all the other things in life that he is inquisitive about? Don't these actions make me a good father?

While I appreciate the backhanded compliment being slung my way just for making a routine trip to the grocery store I would much rather it be a normal occurrence that doesn't deserve praise.

Are we as a society so steeped in gender roles that when we see a father at the store with his kid we are permitted to think that it is cute because this father is going above and beyond what other fathers are doing? Are we really going above and beyond?

Are we as fathers (in general) so lazy that when one of us steps out of the norm it seems so unnatural that mothers and others feel they need to compliment us?

I guess what I am saying is that as a father and husband I share duties with my wife. Both of us do dishes, laundry (her more than me), shopping and cooking etc... We both enjoy helping with the sustenance of the house and are more than happy to do what it takes to keep life going.

I would like to assume that the men of my generation aren't sitting on the couch with a bag of chips and a remote but rather taking an active role in the family. It is hard to shake generations of stereotypes I suppose. Maybe that is why every time I am standing in line telling my son why he can't have another bag of Skittles some elder woman will say "boy aren't you a great dad for doing what you are doing."

I get it. I don't particularly like it but I get it.

Moms get the praise of raising the family and dad is a paycheck. Dad is the worker bee and has been for generations. Dads aren't supposed to shop and cook and clean but we do now.

All I am asking is that everyone take notice of the fathers of my generation and realize that we aren't what we stereo-typically have been throughout the years. We are taking more responsibility and enjoying the challenge. We are taking more of an interest and reaping the benefits. We care more than to just come home from a hard days work and sit on our duffs for the nightly news with a beer and a TV dinner.

It is time for us to start making it known that although we appreciate the praise it is time for the women of the world to stop complimenting fathers in the checkout line just for being in the checkout line. I don't stop every mother I see with their brood and say "Hey you are a great mom for taking your kids to the store with you". It just isn't kosher to say those sorts of things to mothers. Why is it so universally okay to say it to dads?

It is hard enough being a dad without the condescension so next time you feel the need to compliment some random Joe for doing a "woman's work" while in the company of his children, stop and think. Look at his kid's behavior and their general hygiene. If they are clean and well behaved maybe you don't need to toss a compliment because I am sure he already knows, just like you mothers know, that he is a good father and the calm surrounding him speaks to the volumes of its truth.


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Origin of the story ...

The origin of the name "Dada's Shoes" is something of a cute kind of story.

I have a lot of shoes. I also have a tendency to leave my shoes laying around the house, which drives my wife insane.

It goes like this. Dada gets home from work. He sits down in his chair with the little one and pets the dogs. The shoes come off. There they lay until the next morning or, more likely, until my wife walks by and says "there's dada's shoes again where they shouldn't be", before moving them to the shoe closet in the hallway (or throwing them down the basement stairs).

She has said this so many times that my son caught on very early and started picking them up and saying "these dada's shoes" and throwing them in the hallway with a sigh. It became sort of a running joke around the house due to the fact that it was one of the first phrases from the kids mouth.

Here's to my penchant for shoes and the greatest ones ever worn.

Being Cool ...

I used to be so cool. I always had new clothes, I was invited to all the fun parties, I had friends (lots of friends), I was a regular at shows and I had friends in bands (good bands). It is unfair how much fun I had when I was in college. I forgot how cool I used (key tense is the past) to be until my wife and I went out to dinner together for our anniversary.

I used to get excited to go out and have a fancy dinner and spend money going out to a show or a movie. Nine times out of ten I would know ten people before I bellied up to the bar. Nowadays I know noone and I feel out of place in bars. It is as if I step into a different world everytime we venture out into the night anymore.

What happened? It isn't as if I as a person have changed much really. My attitude about life hasn't changed. I am still a happy go lucky person who wants nothing more than to have a little fun in life before it is gone. My taste in music hasn't changed and neither has my taste in good spirits and ales, although my appetite for the latter may have been suppressed over the last few years I still like to imbibe from time to time.

So what is it?

My priority in life before children was fun. It was fun in the sense that I wanted to be out with friends drinking and staying out late. At the time it was the cool thing to do; to enjoy my time with friends creating memories that we can all hold on to and look back on.

My priority in life now is fun. It is fun in the sense that I want to enjoy as much time as possible with my family and help my son grow and learn and enjoy his life as much as possible. It is the coolest thing I can do to ensure that my son and my family grows into something beautiful.

Priorities change, but they don't. The number one priority in life is to enjoy the time you are given on this blue marble of a planet in this mortal coil. It just so happens that circumstance dictates how we enjoy that time and how we view its "coolness" factor.

There was a time in my life that I couldn't dream of having kids; let alone having a wonderful, charismatic and smart kid that impresses me every minute of the day. I thought I was the coolest guy in the room and maybe I was then (probably not). Now that I have a family I can't dream of anywhere I would rather be on a Friday night than in my living room wrestling around and watching Phineas and Ferb.

So what happened? Am I less "cool" now that I don't wear 200 dollar jeans and spend 100 bucks every Friday on drinks and food? Am I less cool now that my best friend is a 2 year old and instead of grabbing a beer we go out for milk shakes? Maybe I am but you won't hear me complain. I still think I am pretty damn cool. It's not as if I started wearing sweater vests and pleated khakis. I didn't start exclusively listening to classical music and polka all of a sudden. I still have most of my friends even if I don't see them as much as I used to. Heck, I still have friends in bands. I might never go out and watch them play anymore (I have grown to hate smoky bars) but I still have friends in bands nonetheless.

I have a house, a beautiful wife and son (and a daughter on the way). I'd say I am even more cool than I used to be. I have a real purpose now. Rather than just existing to exist I now exist to provide, educate and love for the benefit of something greater than myself and my selfish wants. How cool is that?

Would I still like to spend a bundle on clothes and cars? Yeah why not (who doesn't), but that's now an afterthought.

The cars and the clothes will come in time. What matters is that now everyone surrounding me is happy and that I am happy with everyone surrounding me. I couldn't be any happier if a safe full of gold coins fell on my parked car right now. Well that's a lie. If that happened I would be happy and warm on a white sandy beach building sand castles with the kid while the waves crash around us (oh to win the lottery).

Am I cool? To Ryker I am the coolest guy in the room still ...

Let's hope that lasts a long time because when that coolness wears off then I am going to be truly lost.

So when you parents are out and you feel like you are less cool than your childless friends who are always partying and seemingly having endless fun think about it for a minute. Think about what they go home to every night. Think about what they miss out on. Smile knowingly because you truly know the meaning of cool.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Writer's Block and Number Two

I have been suffering as of late. I am suffering from a lack of interesting things to say. They call it writer's block. When you are trying to start a new website and keep people interested writer's block can become very stressful.

I have had a few ideas on what to write about and every time I sit down to plot it out it just comes out all wrong.

Recently (directly after Christmas) we started what most people refer to as Potty Training Boot Camp in our home. With another baby on the way we decided the quicker we get our son out of diapers the better. With that goal in mind we set out on what we thought was going to be the most difficult journey in parenting we had yet to face.

Boy were we wrong.

This kid must be as driven as we are about getting rid of diapers as we had little to no problem with tackling #1. It was amazing how quickly he caught on to peeing in the potty and recognizing when he had to go so he could notify someone about it.

With #1 out of the way we kind of eased him into tackling #2 and crossing that task off the list. With the sweeping success of getting him away from peeing in the diaper we were uber excited to get away from cleaning dookie as well. Not as easy peasy as our critically acclaimed success we had attained prior.

I don't know why kids have such an issue with pooping in a sitting position. Maybe it is because they are so used to their assumed stance on the issue (pun intended). I mean we would put him on the pot and read him books, sing songs, let him play with cars and everything else under the sun that can appropriately be done whilst sitting on the porcelain throne. Heck, we even put his potty in front of the TV and let him watch an hour of cartoons once. No go; but as soon as we stuck that diaper back on and let him go ... BOOM goes the dynamite!!

Back to the drawing board.

So it went. For about 6 weeks we were still at an impasse. We tried and cried and trucked along and one day he looked up at me and said (I think it was Super Bowl Sunday actually) "I have go poop daddy". So I went to put a diaper on him (futility leads to weird rituals) and he stopped me and said "Not in a diaper, on the potty".

"Okay let's try it."

Boy did he go. We invited the neighbors to look at it and threw a party!! (that part was totally fabricated but seriously I cried tears of joy and danced down the hall)

Ever since we have had a house broken toddler with no use for diapers. For safety's sake we still put a pull up on at bed time but we are thinking that is going to stop soon as well.

What I am trying to say I guess is that I don't really have any advice for you if you are trying to potty train because I feel, even with the minor set back, like we had it too easy with him. I suppose if I can offer one bit of advice it would be to have patience if you reach an impasse. You can't force it (pun also intended) so you need to let it happen on it's own time.

Your child will tell you when he or she is ready for the big game so to speak and when they do you will feel a great sigh of relief in knowing that your shit wiping days are behind you (with this one at least) and that you can save a ton of money on diapers from here on out.

So here I stand. A proud father of a child who pees and poops in a toilet like a normal human being, and he is only two (gloating yes). I am very proud of my kid and very satisfied with his progress in every single way.

I am running out of things to write for now but I am sure it will pick up. I might expand my focus a little bit. In fact I will have to, seeing that we are having a daughter in April.

Thanks for listening.

Thanks Tina!!