I Can't - The Worst a Parent Can Hear

 My son is shy with new people and new things.

Sometimes I forget that he is only two because of his physical and mental capabilities and I get frustrated when he is hesitant to do something new. I want him to embrace new challenges. I want him to run and jump into new things but he is smarter than that and he thinks things through.

I can see him eyeing things up before he tries them. It is as if he is performing a cost benefit analysis on the spot when we entice him to try something new. "Am I going to feel pain as a result of trying this? What will be my reward?"

Once he is successful at something new he heads into it full force with the reckless abandon you would expect from a two year old but it is only after he has already weighed his options.

"Look dad I got new skates"

I have been thinking about this lately because I am trying to teach him how to ice skate. He has his own skates and all the pads to prevent any type of injury should he fall. He can walk and run on solid ground with his skates on with no issue. He even jumps in them and never loses his balance but when we step out on the ice he clings to me as if I were forcing him to swim in shark infested waters.

He won't even try to do it on his own saying "I can't" all the way. His latest excuse is "my skates aren't strong enough".

As a parent there are a few things that can break your heart and hearing your child say "I can't" is one of those things.

I know he can skate.

There are other children his age at the rink that skate with no aide from anyone or anything and he is well beyond those children physically and mentally. He has great balance and great coordination and I believe one day he will realize that he can and he will take off.

 I have tried everything in my power to convince him that He Can. At first I attempted to entice him with a reward for trying. Then I just let go and he froze up once he realized I was no longer holding him. He didn't fall, he froze with his hands outstretched begging for me to grab a hold. I tried blowing bubbles for him to reach for so he would be distracted. Then I brought out the skate aide contraption and he just held on and refused to push with his legs. I think I have tried every trick in the book.

Finally, I sat with him and talked about it. I asked him if he even wanted to learn how to skate because he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to.

"I want to skate but I can't. My skates aren't strong enough and I am going to fall."

"I wear my knee pads under my jeans"

"Everybody falls buddy it is okay; falling is part of learning. You just get up and try again. I have been skating for 25 years and I still fall, but I get up and do it again."

"It is not okay. I don't want to fall."

It is here that I decide that I don't want to push him too hard out of fear that he will lose interest altogether and never want to try again.

It leaves me at a loss when he doesn't have confidence in himself. I can't help but have a feeling of despair and it breaks my heart because I know he is able and he tells me he wants to do it.

How can I instill confidence in him or how can I help him realize that he has the ability within himself to achieve what he wants when he wants?

As much as I say I am going to be Earl Woods and push my kid into  things full force, I don't want my kid to hate what he is doing and I don't want him to resent me for making him do things he hates.

I just want him to understand that he is capable. He just needs to think he can.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”
― Henry Ford