"Because the dogs lick your faces"

"Sit down on the couch, I need to talk to you both."

My wife and I looked at each other and snickered. Our two year old was calling the shots.

"What is it buddy?"

As if Carter didn't lick his face here.

"I need you two to stop being the bosses. You hurt my feelings."

(giggles) In unison "Why are we not the boss of you anymore."

"Because you let the dogs lick your faces."

The reasoning of a two year old isn't exactly rational. I will give it to him though; he gave it his best attempt.

Lately we have been dealing with a very strong willed son who doesn't necessarily want to obey our orders or take direction. This has led us to be a bit more stern than usual but far from hurting someone's feelings. This is a two year old we are dealing with though so I assume that he equates his anger over not getting his way with hurt feelings.

We thought we got through the terrible two's without him being terrible but I suppose that can rollover into his third year.

I am glad he decided to vent his frustration in a cordial manner (having us sit down to talk) rather than just screaming at us. I suppose that is progress and a testament to our parenting style that he chose a calm forum over a heated battle. He will be a good tactician someday if he learns to hone those speaking and reasoning skills.

"Because the dogs lick your faces .... " we argued was not a valid reason for us to no longer be in charge of the household. After all, the dogs lick his face too. They are dogs. It is what they do to show affection (or search for food from their master). He was adamant that they did in fact not lick his face and that since we let them lick ours it is time that we relinquish our power and let him rule the roost.

He certainly has rule over the two dogs so why not try to assume control of the other humans in the house as well. It is a rational thought.

I think maybe they are all in collusion to gain authority

Needless to say we are still "the bosses" and he is still "getting his feelings hurt" when we make him do things like sit at the table and finish his dinner or pick up his toys before we go to bed. While I am sure the attempts to usurp our authority will not stop anytime soon, he will have to find another excuse as to why my wife and I are no longer acceptable alphas of our pack.


Maybe next time kid ...

A Serious Post

With the advent of social networking (namely Facebook) people feel the need to constantly update others with what they are feeling. I am guilty of posting daily to Facebook but I keep my personal feelings to myself. It would be very uninteresting to others to hear that I am happy today as I was yesterday and that I have little to no drama in my life. I like it that way. I am happy everyday I wake up and kiss my family before I leave for work. The only reason I ever really get on Facebook is because I am stuck at my desk for about 6 hours a day at the computer and it is a good way to pass the dead minutes of the day.

I am concerned with the people who are constantly updating others regarding how terrible their existence is. I especially am bothered by those who have children and they still claim that their existence is flawed in some way and that they should give up. I feel the need to say something in private to these people but I fear it will only cause some sort of discord because they will feel that I am acting in a superior manner.

How can you feel that your existence is worthless when you are a parent? I don't get it. How can you get to a point in your day that you feel the need to tell others that your life sucks so badly that you want to give up, while in the same breath you claim that you love your children? I feel that having a happy healthy child should preclude you from ever feeling so down that you need to dramatize it for all to notice.

One thing that Facebook is is a permanent record that will always be accessible in one way or another at points in the future. Imagine the feelings that your child will experience when he or she reads your posts stating that your life isn't worth living even though they are part of it. I couldn't imagine what I would feel if I came across a writing of my mother or father from when I was a child notifying all of their friends that they no longer had the drive to go on living their life because it was so terrible.

I guess I just don't get it. Maybe I never will but all I can think of everyday is my children and my wife and their faces and those thoughts are what keeps me sane and they keep me from ever feeling that things just aren't right. To me they are all that matter. My job could be lost tomorrow and my house taken from me but as long as I have them none of that would matter enough to convince me that my life isn't great.

If you are a parent reading this and you ever feel that your life is effed and that you just can't go on I suggest you take an inventory of the things that really matter to you. If your child and your life with your child isn't enough to keep you from feeling down and out and ready to quit then I suggest you seek some sort of professional help because there isn't anything that should matter enough to take your focus from that.

We all get down from time to time. It is how we handle it that really defines our character and can define the character of your children. They are a reflection of us whether we like to believe that or not and their attitude depends on yours.

With faces like these how can anyone feel down.

Think before you post. Your children will thank you.

I Can't - The Worst a Parent Can Hear

 My son is shy with new people and new things.

Sometimes I forget that he is only two because of his physical and mental capabilities and I get frustrated when he is hesitant to do something new. I want him to embrace new challenges. I want him to run and jump into new things but he is smarter than that and he thinks things through.

I can see him eyeing things up before he tries them. It is as if he is performing a cost benefit analysis on the spot when we entice him to try something new. "Am I going to feel pain as a result of trying this? What will be my reward?"

Once he is successful at something new he heads into it full force with the reckless abandon you would expect from a two year old but it is only after he has already weighed his options.

"Look dad I got new skates"

I have been thinking about this lately because I am trying to teach him how to ice skate. He has his own skates and all the pads to prevent any type of injury should he fall. He can walk and run on solid ground with his skates on with no issue. He even jumps in them and never loses his balance but when we step out on the ice he clings to me as if I were forcing him to swim in shark infested waters.

He won't even try to do it on his own saying "I can't" all the way. His latest excuse is "my skates aren't strong enough".

As a parent there are a few things that can break your heart and hearing your child say "I can't" is one of those things.

I know he can skate.

There are other children his age at the rink that skate with no aide from anyone or anything and he is well beyond those children physically and mentally. He has great balance and great coordination and I believe one day he will realize that he can and he will take off.

 I have tried everything in my power to convince him that He Can. At first I attempted to entice him with a reward for trying. Then I just let go and he froze up once he realized I was no longer holding him. He didn't fall, he froze with his hands outstretched begging for me to grab a hold. I tried blowing bubbles for him to reach for so he would be distracted. Then I brought out the skate aide contraption and he just held on and refused to push with his legs. I think I have tried every trick in the book.

Finally, I sat with him and talked about it. I asked him if he even wanted to learn how to skate because he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to.

"I want to skate but I can't. My skates aren't strong enough and I am going to fall."

"I wear my knee pads under my jeans"

"Everybody falls buddy it is okay; falling is part of learning. You just get up and try again. I have been skating for 25 years and I still fall, but I get up and do it again."

"It is not okay. I don't want to fall."

It is here that I decide that I don't want to push him too hard out of fear that he will lose interest altogether and never want to try again.

It leaves me at a loss when he doesn't have confidence in himself. I can't help but have a feeling of despair and it breaks my heart because I know he is able and he tells me he wants to do it.

How can I instill confidence in him or how can I help him realize that he has the ability within himself to achieve what he wants when he wants?

As much as I say I am going to be Earl Woods and push my kid into  things full force, I don't want my kid to hate what he is doing and I don't want him to resent me for making him do things he hates.

I just want him to understand that he is capable. He just needs to think he can.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”
― Henry Ford

Antisocial Dad

an·ti·so·cial

   [an-tee-soh-shuhl, an-tahy-]  Show IPA

adjective

1.

unwilling or unable to associate in a normal or friendly waywith other people: He's not antisocial,  just shy.

2.

antagonistic, hostile, or unfriendly toward others; menacing;threatening: an antisocial act.

3.

opposed or detrimental to social  order or the principles on which society is constituted: antisocial behavior.

4.

Psychiatry . of or pertaining to a pattern of behavior in which social  norms and the rights of others are persistently violated.

Recently my wife called me antisocial. Me. Antisocial. Right!!! That's funny right?!?

At first I adamantly denied her proclamation and tried to cite reasons why I am NOT antisocial, "I have like 1000 friends on Facebook!!". Sadly I couldn't really bring up any valid responses to her claim.


It is true I have lost touch with many of my friends who would typically be around or within a phone call on any given night, but I am not what is defined as an antisocial person as you can clearly see from the definition above. I am not. I swear I'm not. Really.

Some of my friends have moved to different states. Many of my friends are still living the party life and are sans offspring. In either case I have lost some common ground with my old friends. The fact that they are my friends (they all know who they are) will be the common ground always moving forward but for the most part we have all grown in different directions.

It is okay to grow in different directions; it does not mean we are not still friends it just means that we have grown in opposite directions. It is pretty simple really; no need to complicate things.

We still get together from time to time to have some fun and reminisce about the past. Some of my friends even come to my home and enjoy time with my family on the weekends and my son loves them. They are his friends now and they come to see him (he never lets me forget that fact). I am sure my daughter will slide in there right in front of me on that issue in the future as well.

Anywho; back to this antisocial jab that was thrown in my face.

I don't get it.

I still play hockey once a week and meet new people doing that all the time. I talk to people all day at work; I am in sales afterall. I don't shy away from conversation when I am in social situations and I certainly have no trouble talking to new people.

I think she was referring to my penchant for staying home rather than going out to the club on a Friday night. Maybe she was alluding to the fact that the total number of minutes used on my cell phone plan pales in comparison to her usage. Maybe it is because I just would rather play cars in the living room or sword fight in the back yard with the two year old than attend a party or go to a bar.

The truth is that I am enjoying my time being a dad.

I like to spend social time on the ice with guys I hardly know because it is a healthy way to have fun. We speak a common language and play the same game.

I don't like hang overs. I love my friends and I talk to them on the phone. We get together from time to time but they don't have responsibilities like I do. Many of them have homes and good jobs but the one thing that separates and will always separate (until they procreate, that is) is that I have two wonderful kids that need me and with whom I want to spend as much time as I can even if it means that I am losing a few friends along the way.

True friends understand my disappearance and they will always be called friends and they will always be on the guest list. True friends call and the first thing they say is "how's the family". True friends can tolerate when I have to cancel or respond to an invitation as a no show.

The truth is that I may be becoming antisocial in a way but I believe it may be healthy for me and my family.

I am still me and I still have things to talk about. Those things just might include spit up, poop, boogers and how to teach a child the proper way to hold a hockey stick or golf club.

Heck I had a party at the house recently with some friends and it went swimmingly. I might even attend a wedding this summer and I am planning the family reunion. If that isn't socializing I don't know what is.

If this is an antisocial existence then I guess I am antisocial. I like it.

True Friends might even read this.