Being a dad is probably the toughest thing I have ever done. Being responsible for the life and development of another human being is one of the most humbling experiences one will ever encounter. The ego was checked at the door to fatherhood and my needs have become secondary to the needs of my son.
That being said; we dads get a bad rap from society in general. Most of us are seen as secondary care to the mothers of the house. A lot of us (unfortunately) are seen as the selfish other half to the parental equation, and don't get me wrong there are plenty of examples where this is true. I don't know if it is due to the generations of opinion formed before us in regards to the hierarchy of the house but I feel like we aren't appreciated or revered as much as mothers by society as a whole.
I am not discounting the role of the mother. I believe that all reverence for motherhood is warranted and appropriate. You women squeeze a child from your nether regions for crying out loud. That alone deserves a pedestal for standing upon.
What I am talking about is this. Every time my son and I are at the grocery store together (which is pretty often) I always get the same reaction from the hoards of women in my general vicinity. It usually goes a little something like this "Aww look at you two out at the grocery store. You are such a great dad."
"Thank you. We are just buying some yogurt, but thank you now move along nothing to see here."
The condescending comment somehow (in my mind) discounts my role as a father to my son. Somehow just because I take my kid to the grocery store to get some food while my wife is at school it makes me a good father.
What about the life skills I impart on a day to day basis? What about the time I spend teaching my child about animals and volcanoes and bikes and all the other things in life that he is inquisitive about? Don't these actions make me a good father?
While I appreciate the backhanded compliment being slung my way just for making a routine trip to the grocery store I would much rather it be a normal occurrence that doesn't deserve praise.
Are we as a society so steeped in gender roles that when we see a father at the store with his kid we are permitted to think that it is cute because this father is going above and beyond what other fathers are doing? Are we really going above and beyond?
Are we as fathers (in general) so lazy that when one of us steps out of the norm it seems so unnatural that mothers and others feel they need to compliment us?
I guess what I am saying is that as a father and husband I share duties with my wife. Both of us do dishes, laundry (her more than me), shopping and cooking etc... We both enjoy helping with the sustenance of the house and are more than happy to do what it takes to keep life going.
I would like to assume that the men of my generation aren't sitting on the couch with a bag of chips and a remote but rather taking an active role in the family. It is hard to shake generations of stereotypes I suppose. Maybe that is why every time I am standing in line telling my son why he can't have another bag of Skittles some elder woman will say "boy aren't you a great dad for doing what you are doing."
I get it. I don't particularly like it but I get it.
Moms get the praise of raising the family and dad is a paycheck. Dad is the worker bee and has been for generations. Dads aren't supposed to shop and cook and clean but we do now.
All I am asking is that everyone take notice of the fathers of my generation and realize that we aren't what we stereo-typically have been throughout the years. We are taking more responsibility and enjoying the challenge. We are taking more of an interest and reaping the benefits. We care more than to just come home from a hard days work and sit on our duffs for the nightly news with a beer and a TV dinner.
It is time for us to start making it known that although we appreciate the praise it is time for the women of the world to stop complimenting fathers in the checkout line just for being in the checkout line. I don't stop every mother I see with their brood and say "Hey you are a great mom for taking your kids to the store with you". It just isn't kosher to say those sorts of things to mothers. Why is it so universally okay to say it to dads?
It is hard enough being a dad without the condescension so next time you feel the need to compliment some random Joe for doing a "woman's work" while in the company of his children, stop and think. Look at his kid's behavior and their general hygiene. If they are clean and well behaved maybe you don't need to toss a compliment because I am sure he already knows, just like you mothers know, that he is a good father and the calm surrounding him speaks to the volumes of its truth.
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